Do you often feel as if you are being taken advantage of and that people walk right over you without taking your feelings, opinions and needs into consideration?
You are being coerced into thinking their way and you find it difficult to say “no” and go out of your way to please them in fear of being rejected by them? You lack the ability to stand up for yourself and it leaves you frustrated, and even angry, because you never get what you want and your needs remain unfulfilled.
You blame other people for taking advantage of your good nature but instead you should be asking yourself why you are allowing these people to walk over you?
“The basic difference between being assertive and being aggressive is how our words and behaviour affect the rights and well being of others.”
-Sharon Anthony Bower-
Assertiveness is your ability to stand up for yourself and express yourself in a clear, honest and non-threatening way without violating the rights of others. To assert yourself means to clearly and directly communicate how you feel and what you need and expect from others in spite of your fear of confrontation.
One of the reasons why many relationships break up is as a result of a lack of assertiveness. The one person does not know what the other person wants and needs, because that person is unable to express and communicate effectively what they want and expect from the other person. Their needs are not met in the relationship and therefore they look elsewhere to fulfill these needs.
A lack of assertiveness is often expressed through aggression. Aggression is when you want to invade another person’s space and want to tell them what to do and how to behave. This is not the same as asserting yourself. By asserting yourself you simply let other people know how you feel and what your needs are while respecting and valuing their opinions, feelings and needs.
Many people express their lack of assertiveness through passivity. They play the victim and allow people to take advantage of them and even verbally, mentally or physically abuse them without attempting to stand up for themselves. They fear confrontation. This is directly the opposite of being aggressive. Your unexpressed feelings build up inside of you and you withdraw yourself from the relationships and resort to manipulating people to get your way. Both aggressive and passive behaviors are destructive toward yourself and those around you.
By being more assertive you will open communication lines in your relationships, become less agitated and aggressive, build your confidence levels, make other people feel more at ease in your company and allow them to speak more openly and honestly toward you without fear of you blowing your top.
Recommended: “Asserting Yourself: A Practical Guide for Positive Change” by authors Gordon H. Bower and Sharon Anthony Bower. This is the classic best-selling step-by-step program for becoming more Assertive …
